Iron Heart, Castle of Glass

Pain, Hurt. 

These were the things she felt,

As she curled in a ball,

Clutching her chest,

And cried silently as she could.

I felt her.

And never seen her cried so painfully.

Words have cut and stabbed her deeply

Her heart almost give up to beat

And let everything go.

But such action is sinful and disgrace her honor.

She knew, God is testing her

Testing her love,

Her faith,

Her honesty,

Her loyalty,

Her patients,

And herself.

Nonetheless the pain is there

Breaking, cracking her slowly

But she couldn't careless.

Not when her castle start to shake.

She knew it is her priority

Which is blood before society.

So she must ensure,

Our castle stood tall like a mountain.

Yet she's still in dilemma

Between blood and herself.

I pray, for her strength and patient.

For her loyalty and kindness are long lasting.

For her love and faith are everlasting.

And I pray,

She'll be alright.

I'll be alright. InsyaAllah...

A Confession of Me

Assalam,

In my definition of self-limits is what specific things or disease that cause you to have a limit. For example, asthma. The person who bear this disease has a limit in during activities. If he or she over-working, their heart make a whizzing sound, like a cat sleeping, and short of breath. They say it can cause instant death but I'm not sure anymore as I met a person who has conquer his asthma. And I envy him.

I want that. Truely, I hate that I haven't conquer my asthma yet. I want to run, to feel the wind blow and pass my skin, to feel like a panther sprinting and dancing with the nature. But unfortunately, I have my limit, the line that my own heart has draw. I can push myself over the limit and recently I had but like a rubber band, I felt like my limit pull me back before the line. I know I can push even further but I'm... Afraid. Afraid of falling.

See? That's what I felt so confused. I know what I want, I know there's a hope that I could heal my asthma but to archive that I have to push over the boundary and through that process, I'm afraid of falling. Call me a girl with ego but I just don't want that.

Haha. I don't know what I'm talking right now. But I know I'm telling my weakness to the world yet at the same time, I want to share my dream. I want to heal from this asthma and feel the freedom as I ran as far as I want without feeling out of juice. I want that and dear god, Allah SWT know how I want it.

But to think positively, only He, the Mighty knows the benefits of having this asthma. I can't see clearly what are those benefits are but one thing for sure, I know I can't give up. Maybe God want to test me, to see if I give up in reaching my goal. I don't know, it just my theory but I know He doesn't want His human to give up.

So I guess that's it from me. Pardon my wrong words. I'm just a human who confess about her self-limits and dream to heal her asthma so she could run like the wind. I thank you for hearing me out. Assalam.

Truely,
Diana.

The Malfunction

Stuck in a time loop
Or is it her who stop her time?
It's a new place now,
new situations,
Yet she still struggle
To adapt and evolve.

She doesn't want to know.
But she felt it herself,
The mulfunction within her
Adn the society.
Is it she is so naïve,
Or the people are so selfish.

She doesn't want to admit
But the malfunction must be reveal,
To prove that
She is naïve
She is selfish.
And the people are naïve
The poeple are selfish.

Who am I to judge?
I'm just a person that protect her.
But new environment has left me confuse.
New things scare me the most
And my shadow robe is getting weaker.
Yet I will stand my groud
And remain my shadow aura.

If the malfunction remain minor...


LadyShadoWish