Assalam,
hey guys. Sorry I didn't update my blog this few weeks (or this year). I was very busy with homework and dreaming. Yeah, dreaming, thinking, imaging, suffocating, drowning, and a lot more. What I have been dreaming and thinking? Well, good question. I wish I could answer that. But one word keeps rolling in my head; losing. Losing has a lot of meaning but in this topic, it's about losing someone. It's not losing someone as that person is dead, hell no! But losing someone from your daily life, like slipping away from you. I don't know how to describe it but I'm sure everyone in this world have lost somebody they cared.
Guess I just lost mine.
But I think it for the best of losing him. (Yeah, a boy.) He had done a great thing in our school. He's smart that's why he got an offer to a boarding school and that's why I'll be losing him. It felt like someone just shot me and there's a hole through my chest, but I won't let it bleeding heavily. The moment you feel like that, you know you have to numb it, isn't it? It's painful and for me it's suffocating. So I choose to ignore.
But they said ignoring something that stuck in your heart is gonna cost you badly. Some said if you keep it to yourselves, you might end up going crazy and some said it'll makes you lost your focus. I never believed the first one but the second one is kind of bothering me. I had tried to find my way to numb it and I just found few that works. Wanna know some? This is actually my way to numb the pain inside.
1. Play some music. Make sure it beat is fast like a rap or hip hop or electronic sound and other fast beats like David Guetta, Ne Yo, Flo Rida and more, right? I only know my favorites. And try some a little gothic, rock and alternative too. Like Muse, Evanescence, Linkin Park, Within Temptation and more. The bass will absolutely feels great when my heart is in pain.
2. Novels. Read them all over again and again. I'm a book worm. For this two weeks I spend my time searching and buying new novels. They're were the best treatment for your broken heart.
3. Spill it. I'm sure you got your best friend so why don't you just confess you problem to them? But I hardly use this one, because I don't want people to know that I'm in pain. That's the problem in me so don't copy, it's really bad if you keep it away inside your heart and the hole will get worse.
4. Write something. Poems will do the trick. I'm not good at it but I'm still trying to creates some poems by myself.
5. Shout it out! but make sure nobody see you shouting all of sudden. You know what I mean.
6. Watch the darkness. The moon, stars, the night, the shadow and more. I'm not the type of gothic girl but I like the dark. It really relaxing and comforting. I'm sure it work to anyone, except to the people who scared of the dark.
I guess that's it. This is how I numb the bleeding inside me. Some how I just want to smoke like father always do when he was a little frustrated but I'll end up having an ache on my face. If you know what I mean. So I guess that's it that I want to share. Got to go and finish my reading. Goodnight for Malaysia.
LadyShadoWish
