Assalam,
hey, you guys! I'm back. So what happen today? I got my PMR result and damn it, I got 6A 2B! My parents have successfully convince me that it was a great result for me, they kept saying I had done my best. Well, I know my parent's mind, especially my dad. I know he was a bit disappointing but he was good on hiding his true feeling. My mom, well, let just say she really disappointed but she does not show it, of course. Then, my grandfather brought me a jacket, which I love it so much. But the most good news are my best friend have straight A's!!!! I am so proud of her (Vignesh) and him (Aiman). They are the best and I can't stop smiling for them!
But then, my smiling shatter when I start thinking again. I had lost with my greatest enemy, erm, my niece. Well, it's her that I'm worried about. It's her father! That man is really annoying when he look at my family like a joker!!! When his children or his cousin's children got an excellent result, he'll show-off. Humph! I got beat him once when I got 5A in UPSR but now, I lost. Frustrating, honestly. It was the biggest nightmare! One day, when my brother had his result for SPM and my brother didn't get A on it, he show-off with his friend's children! Stupid! Why the hell he proud of his friend's children?! Then, he teas my brother in the Blackberry group.
I was very sad when my brother, cried. He was so ashamed and we all were too. And from that moment I promise to get straight A in PMR for my brother so I could slap MY words to my uncle! But I had fail. I told to my dad that I'm sorry because I didn't successfully fulfilled my own quest. But he told it's okay but there's a little fear and of course, disappointed. I must say I was beginning to phobia with my own uncle. His words are poison to me, to my family.
Now, my dad said I need to forget about him, forget about everyone that I hate, just focus on myself and my future. I have to obey even though I didn't want to think of myself when my parents are unhappy. Besides, people always said we must put some else in front of us so we could move on and I had put 6 people in front of me: My parents and my best friends. Yeah, its too much but I don't care. I love them all, so much.
I am still proud of my friends. They were amazing! God! Thank You, Ya Allah! For giving me such a great and brilliant friends! May Allah SWT bless you guys!
That's all for today. Hope you guys know how much grateful I am, having these awesome friends.
Goodnight!
LadyShadoWish
Wednesday 19 December 2012
Wednesday 12 December 2012
Dying Here
Assalam.
hey, guys. What's up? I'm sure you guys are enjoying the holiday, the summers and Christmas , right? Well, BTW enjoy! while I'm slowly suffer inside my own house. It's been a month now that I become a 'maid'. i getting used to it now, except the emotional. When all goes mad, I become madness! My brain become chaos! Now, listening to my sister sigh heavily and grumpily makes me want to slap her face!!! I was running around the house like crazy girl. I need a break! but Hell, no! My boss (mother) wouldn't let me.
I'm not saying she is worse mom, okay!? All of my family doesn't understand me. My so-called-elder-brother doesn't act like a big brother at all!! Right now, he's having a fever and more acting like a stupid brother I ever had! While my sister always with her grumpy mood, makes me want to pull my hair out. I have the least problem with my younger brother and my father. They only makes me angry when they keep pushing me around like doll, no, slave!
Honestly, thank god, I'm good on keeping my anger. I don't mind being a slave in my family, I don't mind being a robot that follow people's order, and most importantly, I don't mind being shadow in my family. I will be slave/robot/shadow IF they UNDERSTAND me. I'm not a slave with muscles, I'm not a robot that can work every seconds, minutes and hours, and I'm not always being shadow that always hiding inside the darkness (even though I like the darkness more). Sometimes, even the shadow want to show itself in the light.
Now, my PMR result are around the corner and every member of my family, and niece, uncles and aunties are looking at me. Some are hoping and waiting for me to be victorious, some are hiding their cruel smile and waiting to see my defeated. I'm freaking out too. IF I fail, I would disappointing my family, especially my father. He said it's okay if i fail now but I won't accept if I fail. His brother-in-law (my uncle) would very happy if I fail or have a low grads than her daughter. He think their family is the best. Hah! F#ck off! Now my parents want me to get straight A because they want to show that my family is the best too. It's call using someone, but hey, I'm so sick of that man!
Okay, I think I confess a lot now. I need to keep some of my, secrets insides me. Even the secrets are burning inside me, suffocating me, killing me, I still need it to be myself. People said it's dangerous to keep Secrets for a long time but for me, secrets if like drug. I willing to keep it to myself, even though it harms me. I guess it for today. Gudnight.
LadyShadoWish
hey, guys. What's up? I'm sure you guys are enjoying the holiday, the summers and Christmas , right? Well, BTW enjoy! while I'm slowly suffer inside my own house. It's been a month now that I become a 'maid'. i getting used to it now, except the emotional. When all goes mad, I become madness! My brain become chaos! Now, listening to my sister sigh heavily and grumpily makes me want to slap her face!!! I was running around the house like crazy girl. I need a break! but Hell, no! My boss (mother) wouldn't let me.
I'm not saying she is worse mom, okay!? All of my family doesn't understand me. My so-called-elder-brother doesn't act like a big brother at all!! Right now, he's having a fever and more acting like a stupid brother I ever had! While my sister always with her grumpy mood, makes me want to pull my hair out. I have the least problem with my younger brother and my father. They only makes me angry when they keep pushing me around like doll, no, slave!
Honestly, thank god, I'm good on keeping my anger. I don't mind being a slave in my family, I don't mind being a robot that follow people's order, and most importantly, I don't mind being shadow in my family. I will be slave/robot/shadow IF they UNDERSTAND me. I'm not a slave with muscles, I'm not a robot that can work every seconds, minutes and hours, and I'm not always being shadow that always hiding inside the darkness (even though I like the darkness more). Sometimes, even the shadow want to show itself in the light.
Now, my PMR result are around the corner and every member of my family, and niece, uncles and aunties are looking at me. Some are hoping and waiting for me to be victorious, some are hiding their cruel smile and waiting to see my defeated. I'm freaking out too. IF I fail, I would disappointing my family, especially my father. He said it's okay if i fail now but I won't accept if I fail. His brother-in-law (my uncle) would very happy if I fail or have a low grads than her daughter. He think their family is the best. Hah! F#ck off! Now my parents want me to get straight A because they want to show that my family is the best too. It's call using someone, but hey, I'm so sick of that man!
Okay, I think I confess a lot now. I need to keep some of my, secrets insides me. Even the secrets are burning inside me, suffocating me, killing me, I still need it to be myself. People said it's dangerous to keep Secrets for a long time but for me, secrets if like drug. I willing to keep it to myself, even though it harms me. I guess it for today. Gudnight.
LadyShadoWish
Wednesday 5 December 2012
Friendship Forever, and Always
Assalm,
hey, it's late actually but i can't help it. i'm typing as fast as i can. you know, i just finish watching a japan comedian movie. it was funny! I like it so much. it's, teach me something. the story is about a girl change herself into a boy and get into boy's school. her aim was to make this guy (that is her admire) to high jump again and to see him smile. thing got a bit not good at the beginning but then, the guy soon realize that she was a girl. through, he kept it a secret. she have fun with all boys in the dorms, she was happy with herself and of course, her feeling for the guy is getting to blossom.
before that, there was 3 different dorms and when she came there, they have united. they haven't realize she was a girl until she was accident and the boys saw her inner vest that kept her breast to her body so it look like a boy. things got chaos then. every boys that she knew disliked after what she don't. but then, the guy explain everything. it was a late decision but the boys had agreed to keep her secret. they become friends again and this time they were all connected.
lastly, when she finally finish with her job to make her admire high jump again, she decided to go home. everyone, which were every boys from the dorms thanked her and give her some support. through, her admire sent her to the airport. he didn't express his love to her but he did show her, by, well, kissing her. after a few month, she got a news said that the boys from the her school was having a vacation near her house. through, she scream!
even it's a weird ending. but at least it satisfied me. i was so envy of that girl. she got her admire, she have a best friend, she met a lot of boys from that school that makes her happy, she have the most beautiful memories in her life but most importantly, she have what she wanted that is she had bring back a smile to her admire and also to herself.
Well, if you don't understand what i'm saying, you better watch it. it has English sub too,Hanakimi no kimitachi e. but now, all i wanna say is, i want to have a very best memory in mylife with my friends and my, admire. Bullshit! I just split it! Got to sleep! this feeling is boiling in me! Arrrrhhhhh!!!
LadyShadoWish
hey, it's late actually but i can't help it. i'm typing as fast as i can. you know, i just finish watching a japan comedian movie. it was funny! I like it so much. it's, teach me something. the story is about a girl change herself into a boy and get into boy's school. her aim was to make this guy (that is her admire) to high jump again and to see him smile. thing got a bit not good at the beginning but then, the guy soon realize that she was a girl. through, he kept it a secret. she have fun with all boys in the dorms, she was happy with herself and of course, her feeling for the guy is getting to blossom.
before that, there was 3 different dorms and when she came there, they have united. they haven't realize she was a girl until she was accident and the boys saw her inner vest that kept her breast to her body so it look like a boy. things got chaos then. every boys that she knew disliked after what she don't. but then, the guy explain everything. it was a late decision but the boys had agreed to keep her secret. they become friends again and this time they were all connected.
lastly, when she finally finish with her job to make her admire high jump again, she decided to go home. everyone, which were every boys from the dorms thanked her and give her some support. through, her admire sent her to the airport. he didn't express his love to her but he did show her, by, well, kissing her. after a few month, she got a news said that the boys from the her school was having a vacation near her house. through, she scream!
even it's a weird ending. but at least it satisfied me. i was so envy of that girl. she got her admire, she have a best friend, she met a lot of boys from that school that makes her happy, she have the most beautiful memories in her life but most importantly, she have what she wanted that is she had bring back a smile to her admire and also to herself.
Well, if you don't understand what i'm saying, you better watch it. it has English sub too,Hanakimi no kimitachi e. but now, all i wanna say is, i want to have a very best memory in mylife with my friends and my, admire. Bullshit! I just split it! Got to sleep! this feeling is boiling in me! Arrrrhhhhh!!!
LadyShadoWish
Monday 3 December 2012
All That I'm Living For- Evanescence- lyrics
This song are so meaning to me.. (don't get me wrong, okay?)
Lady ShadoWish
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