A Confession of Me

Assalam,

In my definition of self-limits is what specific things or disease that cause you to have a limit. For example, asthma. The person who bear this disease has a limit in during activities. If he or she over-working, their heart make a whizzing sound, like a cat sleeping, and short of breath. They say it can cause instant death but I'm not sure anymore as I met a person who has conquer his asthma. And I envy him.

I want that. Truely, I hate that I haven't conquer my asthma yet. I want to run, to feel the wind blow and pass my skin, to feel like a panther sprinting and dancing with the nature. But unfortunately, I have my limit, the line that my own heart has draw. I can push myself over the limit and recently I had but like a rubber band, I felt like my limit pull me back before the line. I know I can push even further but I'm... Afraid. Afraid of falling.

See? That's what I felt so confused. I know what I want, I know there's a hope that I could heal my asthma but to archive that I have to push over the boundary and through that process, I'm afraid of falling. Call me a girl with ego but I just don't want that.

Haha. I don't know what I'm talking right now. But I know I'm telling my weakness to the world yet at the same time, I want to share my dream. I want to heal from this asthma and feel the freedom as I ran as far as I want without feeling out of juice. I want that and dear god, Allah SWT know how I want it.

But to think positively, only He, the Mighty knows the benefits of having this asthma. I can't see clearly what are those benefits are but one thing for sure, I know I can't give up. Maybe God want to test me, to see if I give up in reaching my goal. I don't know, it just my theory but I know He doesn't want His human to give up.

So I guess that's it from me. Pardon my wrong words. I'm just a human who confess about her self-limits and dream to heal her asthma so she could run like the wind. I thank you for hearing me out. Assalam.

Truely,
Diana.