Be Myself? How?

Assalam,
God! Now I start to hate my life. I don't blame anyone, even, him, the one that I always Love since I was born. I'm struggle again, between my parents and friends. I hate it! I hate stuck in between. Staring today, I won't chat with my friends anymore, just to satisfied my parents, I guess especially my dad. I have to be responsible now. Both my brother have left to continue their study, it leave me and my two little brother and sister. Not just that, I must be girl now, real one. (I'm not a leebian, okay?) I mean, I have to change now, sit properly, tidy the whole house, cooking (if I get the chance), n many more girly things (which sometimes or always I hate being too much girl things in me) I'm not saying I hate being a girl. Trust me, I'm glad what I am now but then, sometimes I hate it. Because being this real me, making my parents hate me.
I know you guys gonna say "Be yourself", "Ignore all the comments" n so much more but then, who would you choose? Your parents or you friends? your parents or you lover? Some of people, out there were dying to say lover than parents but for me, better choose parents and I think you know why.
You know sometimes I wish I was a robot because i'm kindda good on listening to someone's orders. But then, I'm grateful I'm a human because I can feel pain. Once I have told you guys I love pain, isn't it? Well, I still kindda love it even it keeps punching my chest. Although, it doesn't matter. What's really matter is being myself (well, my 'girl-self'). I can't listen to myself yet, I;m still young and not ready to decide things. I can't even decided what to where this morning! So it better listen up with my parents 'wisdom'.
I guess that's it. I can't tell you more since I already tell you many things from my heart. I can't take the chance to empty my heart by telling everything over here. so Dosvidaniya' and Goodnight.

LadyShadoWish